Chapter Eight—Decisions

     Things got no easier for Susan that evening. Garret came over. She was happy to see him but a little queasy. He said he wanted to talk about…him and me…And sure enough, after they greeted each other, he said, “Can we talk?”
     She smiled. “Sure. Would you like some coffee? It will only take a minute.”
     “No, thank you. I won’t stay long, I’m sure you are busy.”
     They sat down on the couch. It was a cold evening and Susan had a fire going in the fireplace. The wind whistled through the eaves of the roof. It was eerie, but romantic. Susan was trembling inside, wondering what Garret wanted, fearing she knew…
     He started. “Have you…decided to stay?”
     Susan was sitting on the edge of the couch, with her hands in her lap. She looked down at her hands, unable to hold Garret’s eyes. “I think I’m going back to Alabama. It’s my home.” She looked back at him. “What are you going to do?”
     “I’m about to strike it big in the railroad out here.” He told her of what he had been doing, the railroad magnates he’d been talking to, the money he had invested. “Within a couple of years, I’ll make…I don’t know how much money. A lot.” He paused a moment, then said, “I’m going to send what I owe back to the banks I…borrowed from.”
     Susan smiled softly. “That would be good, Garret. It really would. You’re not a bank robber. I’m happy for your success.”
     He then said, “Susan, I want you to stay here…and share it with me.”
     She looked at him, her stomach in knots. Is he asking…what I think he’s asking? She didn’t say anything.
     He smiled. “I want you to marry me.”
     Susan felt cold…and warm…all over. She was trembling inside. Oh…oh, what… what am I going to say? I should have known, thought about it…She looked down at her hands again. “Garret…I don’t—“
     “We could have a good life together, Susan. I won’t gamble any more. I’ll work on my investments, help you with the ranch here. I know a little about it, and can learn. But your cowboys can run the ranch. We’ll have the money to travel. I can show you New Orleans, Philadelphia, New York. London. Paris. Wherever you want to go.” He went silent a few moments. “I know you’ve had a lot on your mind lately, but I had to ask you before you made a decision on whether to go back to Alabama or stay.” He smiled. “I’m trying to make your decision a little easier.”
     She looked at him, and smiled wanly. “I’m not sure you’ve done that. You’ve just exchanged one difficult decision for another.”
     “I know.” His eyes met hers and they held for a few seconds. Then, he gently reached over and pulled her to him. Susan didn’t resist, but just leaned back and closed her eyes. He came to her. This time, she let her mind drift…and this time, even the name Kendrick didn’t interfere…oh, Garret…so warm, handsome, kind…not a rattlesnake…
     Susan lay in bed that night, thinking…thinking…thinking…New York… London…Paris…I’ve never even been out of Alabama until this trip…I’ve always wanted to travel, see things…Garret will show me all of those places…it will be so exciting…then she smiled…and he kisses…like a rattlesnake…she giggled at that…
     But then that word came to mind again, and this time, it did interfere…
     Kendrick…
     He’s coming in the morning…what will he say?…what will I tell him?…
     He’s coming…again…

     I arrived the next morning just before 9 AM. Susan was outside getting her horse saddled. She smiled at me as I rode up, but the smile appeared a bit strained.
     “Punctual,” she said, as she tied a picnic basket onto the back of her horse.
     “I try to be. We’re going to eat, too?”
     “Well, if you want to. I thought I’d bring some things. It’s a pretty big ranch, lots to show you, and I know a nice place to eat.”
     “Sounds good,” I said. She wouldn’t look at me, and I knew something wasn’t right.
     “Would you like to see the house?” she asked.
     “Let’s do that when we get back.”
     "Ok.” Still wouldn’t look at me.
     But the morning passed pleasantly enough. It was cold, but the sun was out and the wind wasn’t blowing so it warmed up a little as we rode. It was a beautiful ranch. She showed me her cattle and horses. “Dale told me we’re running about 5,000 cattle now, and about 300 horses. Some of the land is planted in hay, and that’s what they mostly eat during the winter. That and the feed we get at the store.”
     “Have you told Dale that you are probably going to sell and move back to Alabama?”
     “No,” is all she replied.
     Much of the ranch was flat, but the mountains in the distance were beautiful. They all had snow on them now. The air was crisp, cool, clear, and clean. We stopped for a few moments and just surveyed the scene. “It’s beautiful,” I said, a sadness inside me, because I had longed for such a place for many years and knew I’d never have it. “Are you sure you won’t take $2,000 for it?”
     She laughed. “No, I don’t think that will be enough.”
     “That wouldn’t pay for the view.”
     Susan glanced at me occasionally, but never held my eye. She was uneasy, I could tell, but I didn’t ask her about it. After riding for about 2 hours, she asked, “Are you hungry? I want to show you this lovely spot I like to go.”
     I wasn’t really hungry, but I said, “Sure. Lead on.”
     We rode in silence for about fifteen minutes, topped a small rise, and I saw a stream below, with water chuckling over some rocks, and a couple of small waterfalls. There were a few cottonwood trees along the bank. The mountains in the background made the scene idyllic, and I said so.
     “Yes,” she replied. “I found this place just riding around one day, and I’ve come out here three or four times now.”
     I picketed the horses while Susan got the food ready. She spread a blanket on the ground, and pulled chicken, potatoes, pickles, hard-boiled eggs, apple pie, and milk out of the basket. “Have you got the kitchen sink in there, too?” I asked.
     She laughed. “No. I just know that most men are big eaters.”
     Well, again, I wasn’t hungry, but I ate. And it was good. I built a fire and made some coffee with water from the stream. That helped, especially to take the chill off.
     “Mmm, that’s good,” Susan said.
     “So was your meal,” I replied. “Thank you for inviting me out.”
     She wouldn’t look at me. “Thank you for coming.”
     I had to know, so I just came out and asked. “Susan, what’s wrong? Something has been bothering you all day.”
     This time, she gave me a quick glance, then looked away again. She didn’t answer for a few moments. Then, she looked at me and said softly, “Garret asked me to marry him.”
     My heart fell into my stomach like a stone. Wow, that hurt. I thought I…felt strongly about her, but I didn’t think it was this bad. I didn’t look at her. I said, “I see.” I paused a few moments. “He’s a good man.”
     Susan started to say something, then stopped. After a few moments, she responded, “Yes. Yes, he is…”

     What’s he thinking? His face…no reaction. He doesn’t care. I guess that’s my answer…

     Neither of us said anything for a few minutes, then I tossed the rest of the coffee out of my cup and said, “Well, I guess we need to get back.” I smiled softly at her. “Thanks for the tour and the lunch.”
     “You’re welcome,” she replied. We put everything up, mounted, and headed for her ranch house. It took about 45 minutes to get there. Neither of us spoke the whole time.
     I guess I waited too late. No, that’s not true. She never showed any interest in me anyway. All she did was flirt with Garret and Lance, but, boy, I never saw this coming with Garret. I’m not sure he’s a good match for her, but then, what do I know. I hope they’ll be happy together…I felt very, very empty…

     Susan didn’t know what to say. Why doesn’t he say something? He’s mad…no, he just doesn’t care…he never has…

     We arrived back at the ranch house and I helped Susan unsaddle and put away her horse. “Would you…like to come inside for awhile?” she asked me.
     I gave her a small smile. “No, I don’t think so. I think I’ll hit the road.”
     I thought I saw her wince, but probably not. “Where are you going?” she asked me.
     “I’m…really not sure yet. I may just drift till I find what I want.”
     “What is it you want?”
     I shrugged. I wanted to go. “I don’t know. I’ll drift till I find out.”
     “That’s not much of a life, Ken.”
     I looked at her. “It’s all I have right now, Susan.”
     Our eyes held for a few seconds, then I broke the gaze and mounted. “Thanks, again. It’s been nice knowing you…”

     Susan’s insides were churning. He’s going to leave. I’ll never see him again. She said, “Ken, I haven’t decided whether I’m going to marry Garret or not. I didn’t give him an answer.”

     I looked down at her. My hopes rose, but I didn’t know why. Was that an opening?  But all I could think of to say was, “Well, I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.” Then when she didn’t respond, I said, “Good bye.” My mind was totally tied in knots. I had no idea what to think or say.

     Susan dropped her head. Why doesn’t he ask me? He doesn’t care…he never did…She said “Good-bye,” and watched him ride away. I guess I’ll marry Garret. I don’t really love him, but I think I can in time. And we’ll go a lot of places, nice places, he’ll be a good father and a good husband…

     She watched Kendrick until he disappeared from view. He never looked back.